There have been a few times since the start of my business where I could not create. The worst was when my first location was closing its doors, partly due to Covid.

I was emotional, quick to anger and not fun to be around. After trying to deal with these emotions, quite unsuccessfully I might add, I decided to head back to therapy. At that time in the world, a lot of people were headed to therapy. We were living in a world where people were afraid to leave their homes, afraid to get sick, and in general, afraid of a lot of things.

Imagine trying to find a therapist during this time and the time that followed. I can’t even express how difficult it was to find out that my therapist of over 15 years had retired and I had to find a new one. There were tears. How would I start over? Would I have to give my whole life story in order to talk about the help I needed now?

Imagine knowing you need help, gaining the strength to seek that help and then not knowing where to go. Now imagine that there is a huge influx of people seeking help and there are not enough providers to handle the increase. (Estimates say that the pandemic increased the need for mental health services by at least 25%. I think that is conservative.)

I was one of the lucky ones. My retired therapist was able to give a recommendation for a therapist who was finishing her schooling. If I wanted to get started, I could see her as part of her coursework and could pay out of pocket until she finished her dissertation. This felt like a huge struggle, but at the same time, I fully recognized the blessing that others did not have – I could afford to pay for my own therapy when others were struggling to feed their families. And so, I started over with a new therapist.

So why the baseball movie analogy?

Well, creating for me is kind of a “what came first” kind of question. I find it difficult to create when I’m anxious and depressed, but I need to create in order to not feel anxious and depressed. See the conundrum?

This problem was exacerbated by the fact that I suddenly had no place to sell my creations. I kept picturing my garage full of furniture all the way to the roof and me sitting in my studio surrounded by hordes of craft supplies that eventually would topple over and smother me. I felt like I could not breathe.

My new therapist told me that I just needed to START. Just begin. Just create something. It felt overwhelming. When you stop doing something that you always do, how do you begin again? Where do you start?

I remember sitting on the couch with tears in my eyes telling her that I didn’t know how. A piece of furniture felt overwhelming. Making a sign even felt overwhelming.

She told me that I needed to start at the beginning since I felt so stuck. So, I went back to greeting cards. I closed my studio door, turned on the music and just began.

At my next appointment, I showed her all the cards I made that day. I could breathe a little easier. And then I started to cry again and asked what I should do next. I still didn’t have anywhere to sell my creations and that seemed to be the real heart of the issue.

“If you build it, they will come,” she said.

“What?”

“If you build it, they will come.”

“You’re saying I should just make the stuff and worry about the rest later?”

“Yes,” she said, with a serene smile.

So that’s what I did. After greeting cards, I made several signs. Breathing got easier. I told my husband I was ready to get back to furniture. I painted a piece. It turned out great. Breathing got easier. A few weeks later, I looked for new spaces to rent. I made an appointment. I rented space.

I was back in business.

Creating is truly my passion. Without it, I literally feel like I cannot breathe. It not only helps me keep my anxiety at bay, but it also helps me feel happy. When I’m happy, I can give myself more fully to those I love and I’m so much easier to live with.

And now I know that if I ever get stuck again, I just have to START. If necessary, all the way at the beginning. The rest will follow. Because if I build it, they will come.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.

Blog No 8 - If you build it, they will come.

Blog No 9 - Better is not worth striving for

Blog No 7 - At what point do you choose yourself over others?