Blog No 7 - At what point do you choose yourself over others?

I was raised to be a people pleaser. As a child, I would always help the teacher or do extra chores for my mom. As an employee, I often volunteered to do extra tasks so that I would be valued and thought of as helpful. Sometimes this gained me high regard and other times, this bit me in the butt. Even after 30 years in my chosen field, I was unable to shake this need to make others happy, but as an entrepreneur, I might finally be making progress.

I was recently on a call with a team of people I hired to help me expand my business. We were discussing a variety of topics related to my website when I found myself in a situation that was a bit uncomfortable. I had to make a choice to speak up or just agree with the knowledgeable person whose opinion was being shared.

I knew what was coming. They were going to ask me if I agreed with them about the proposed changes to my business. I started to get nervous.

The people pleaser in me SO wanted to go along with it. The people pleaser in me wanted to compliment them on the information they gathered and tell them that I certainly agreed. I was so close to acquiescing.

But I just couldn’t do it.

In the span of the 60 seconds I spent deliberating, I thought about so many things. I thought about how far I’ve come in seven years. I thought about the myriad of decisions I’ve had to make on my own, how I’ve moved locations, expanded, added locations, added products, and let’s not forget, fought for sales during a freaking pandemic.

And then I decided that being a people pleaser has had absolutely no role in this. It has not served me. It has not paid my bills, created my most commented-on blog post or got me interviews in new locations. I felt this decision deep in my heart as soon as I made it.

So, as my sister would say, I put on my big girl panties.

Then I calmly and respectfully explained why I made the choices I did and that I was going to stick with them. Honestly, I’m not totally sure what the response was because I think I blacked out for a minute. No, seriously. My heart was pounding and my hands were sweaty. You probably think I’m being dramatic, but I’m not.

Standing up for myself and my choices instead of pleasing those around me would never have occurred to me a year ago. I feel like I might be coming into my own a little bit. I might actually be starting to make choices that are the best for ME and put boundaries down in places I could’ve never imagined before.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t get it right every single time. I still get talked into things I don’t want to do. I fail to protect myself when I know better. But I’m learning, I’m growing and I’m getting a bit wiser. I’m not sure why it’s taken me this long.

This road I’m on has been so good for me in so many ways. I’ve grown so much and feel more confident and comfortable in my skin than I have at any point in my life. The journey has not always been easy, but it has in every way been so remarkable that I would not trade it for anything.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.