Blog No 5 – What happens when RBF meets sarcasm?
My husband and I had a tense conversation one day after running into a neighbor at the grocery store. We were in the process of remodeling our home and building a new, attached garage onto our existing home. The neighbor asked why we had torn down our garage. I said that we just enjoyed parking outside, especially in winter. No one laughed. Jeff ended up explaining what we were doing with the house and I stood there thinking I was hilarious.
On the drive home, my husband hesitantly asked why I thought that was funny. I assured him that I was hilarious! I went on to tell him that he and the neighbor must not have a sense of humor. Then he explained that when I deliver my sarcastic lines, they are often so dry that people think I’m serious. And when you couple that with the fact that I often deliver jokes without cracking a smile, people are uncertain of my intentions. I’m pretty sure I looked at him like he had grown two heads. Why would anyone think that comment was serious?
I mean, who, in their right mind, would enjoy parking outside during winter in WISCONSIN???
Fast forward a few years and now I say something sarcastic in therapy and my therapist starts laughing. I’m thrilled. SHE gets me. SHE thinks I’m funny! So, I ask her if my lack of smile ruined the joke and she admits that she had to think about it a second, but no, she knows me well enough at this point to know I’m not serious. But what about the resting bitch face, I ask? And she busts out laughing again, and suddenly, I’m in tears.
Like ugly cry, sobbing, need 20 tissues sobs. And just like that, one of my great insecurities rears its ugly head.
When I was a child, my Mother used to tell me to smile ALL the time. She used to say that I was so pretty when I smiled. I was a serious and sometimes quiet child. But somewhere along the way, the “smile” stuff really started to wear on me. Somewhere along the way, the “you’re so pretty when you smile” became a “you’re not pretty when you don’t” in my head. And that did not make me feel like smiling.
A genuine smile from Carroll College Graduation in May of 1997
As adults, I think we sometimes forget how to smile. Work and life can be hard. Raising a family and paying bills are hard. Taking care of yourself is hard. Did you know that most children laugh 400 times a day, on average? Adults who consider themselves happy, only smile 40-50 times per day. Yet a good bout of smiling reduces stress, boosts energy, fuels positive emotions and often puts you in a peaceful existence with those around you. That’s the reason why they say that laughter is the best medicine. So, if I wasn’t a smiley kid, I’m definitely low on my quota of smiles as an adult. So how do I work to change that?
I am choosing to surround myself with people and things that help me capture that smile. My husband and my fur baby are my closest allies. My husband always knows when to crack a joke and bring out my smile. It’s the number one thing I love about him. I also choose to give time to people who inspire me and don’t ask me to be anything other than ME, flaws and all. I spend time with those who help me be the best me I can be and who are funny. Seriously. If you’re not sending me the cutest puppy videos and funny memes just to make me smile, then you’re not my people! 😊 My art supplies and artistic endeavors make me smile too. If they didn’t, I wouldn’t give them the time of day.
With people I love dearly who always make me smile in October of 2019
In short, I’m choosing to find ways to smile purposefully and authentically. I’m choosing to smile every single day, as many times as I can, to make up for all those years when I didn’t hit 400.
Thanks for coming along for the ride.