Blog No 15 - The Power of What If?

Recently, I was scheduled to go somewhere, and I had a complete meltdown.

Let’s face it. Anxiety sucks.

I had plans to attend a retreat for the art supply company I represent. I knew that the participants were staying in a home together and that I’d have to share a room with someone. I also was getting picked up at the airport by someone I’d never met to be driven a few hours to the home. Both of these things were causing me a ton of anxiety and the noise in my head was so loud that I could not hear/see all the positive reasons why I wanted to go in the first place.

I told my husband I was going to cancel, and he did not fight me on it. Instead, he began researching alternate places to stay and a car service to get me there. I knew that both options were going to cost us a fortune, but I let him investigate. When he gave me the options, the noise began to quiet but the tears soon followed.

I then reached out to one of the people organizing the event. I shared my anxiety with her and she sent me some photos of the bedrooms at the home and while they were beautiful, my anxiety grew. There were 5 single beds shown in the photo and I had a sneaking suspicion that there were even more (there were 8). This home was set up like a summer camp for adults! I kept thinking that I’d cancel even as she assured me that all the people I’d be rooming with were some of the nicest ladies I’d ever meet.

Next, I texted Rachel and she asked what was going on. I shared my concerns about my night terrors (which have plagued me since I was a baby) and how bad they’d be if I could hear other people in my sleeping space. I was sure I’d wake the others and since I’m typically a horrible sleeper, I’d be so tired that my Fibromyalgia would flare up and I’d be in pain the whole trip. How would I ever use the bathroom? Yet none of that would matter if the lady that picked me up at the airport was a serial killer!

My friend started by validating all my feelings. Then she asked the question that stopped me in my tracks.

“But what about all the incredible relationships which may come of sharing a home and the entire trip?”

This single question was able to drown out the noise and allow me to focus on “What if?” So I made a decision to “pretend” that I was going. I did this to trick my mind into believing that it was a done deal. I would prepare, pack and act like I was normal and not at all anxious about any of it. I would be brave.

The day before I was to leave, my husband mentioned that since I put all my stuff in a suitcase, I must be going. I was able to hesitantly smile and tell him, that yes, I was indeed going. It’s not that I wasn’t still anxious, but I firmly believe that it is important to do things that make us uncomfortable. It’s the only way to grow. The “what if?” was finally louder than the noise racing through my brain.

Did I have nightmares? I did, and my thrashing woke at least one person up. Did I get enough sleep? I did, and I slept extra once I got home. Five of us managed to shower, dress and make ourselves pretty in perfect harmony in a shared bedroom and bathroom.

The most important things weren’t the logistics, they were the meals we shared and the rides we took. The conversations that we had surrounding our businesses and the sharing we did gave me so much knowledge, confidence and inspiration that I felt compelled to open up and encourage some of them too. I asked a million questions, and everyone was so generous in sharing what they were doing to build their companies, piece by piece.

The participants including retailers, distributors, instructors, sales and marketing teams and Prima’s owner at Spring Retreat 2025 in the Re-Design with Prima Flagship store in Temecula, CA

On this trip that almost never was, I grew friendships with 15 people who are going through the same challenges and struggles as I am in trying to grow a business. I also made a great friend, halfway across the US who is helping me grow my class offerings and told me she is just a phone call or text away.

Even better, she was an excellent driver AND she wasn’t a serial killer.

Leslie of Le French Hen located in Tucson, AZ